Existential… ?!

I’m probably manifesting it…. But questions I had as a kid regarding one’s consciousness outside of this human body I’ve been borne into… seem to make so much more sense… how I keep seeing the universe while suspended outside of my physical being.. my frustration with feeling so isolated from what seems like the rest of the world. Of cos it’s an exaggeration.. it just feels like it… MM asked if it’s lonely… No. it’s not loneliness. I just feel alone… I’m not lonely. I’m not craving or lacking social interaction.. I can fit in and make myself one with people, acquaintances, colleagues, strangers… family and friends… but deep down I know it’s an act I’ve learnt I need to keep up with expectations and maintain some level of normality, hold down a job, keep a roof over my head, be independent, self sufficient.. so things don’t get thrown back in my face or feel indebted to or simply have to be dependent or have to reply on someone else just to survive.

It just feels like it is just me against the world. Not so much misunderstood… It’s as if there has been no understanding to begin with, so there’s nothing to be misunderstood. So ya.. just me, myself and I. Alone.

Gawd.. I think I’m losing my mind… seriously…

This is the closest pic I can find to the universe I see in my head as a kid.. what seem to have been seen through my consciousness.. but like I said, maybe I manifested the whole thing… I think I’m losing grip of reality..